Surviving

What was the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do?  Mine I think was telling my son that his grandfather had passed.  He was out of the country at the time and I had to tell him by phone.  It was horrible.  These are the times that I hate to share but know you have to tell the people who you love this awful news.  It rocks your world to the core.  You are more vulnerable than just about any other time in your life.  Your defenses are down, you’re numb, nothing makes sense, nothing will ever be the same.  So day by day you start to get the feeling back that you’re going to be ok.  You finally have your senses back and are able to breathe.  You have daily reminders of the loss that you have endured but also the light that you know you’ve survived.

When my mom passed a few years ago, I was devastated I didn’t know how I was going to make it.  I’m not sure that I’ve accomplished that task just yet.  She was the rock for this family and the glue that held us together.  How do you survive something like that. Well day by day that’s all I’ve been able to do.  I think of mom throughout the day, a song will come on, or a smell will appear.  There is always something to remember her by.  I’m not sure that your heart completely heals, but it lives, it lives with the thoughts and the memories of the loved ones that have moved on.  Make sure to visit often, tell them you love them and be around when they want to talk.  The knowledge they share will be the knowledge that helps you to survive and move on, and give you the ability to share with your children so they too can survive.  Loss has no age limit and grief has no time limit. The loss is real, the pain unbearable, and the realization of being without the one you love is unmistakably obvious, but you will survive and you will go on, you will make it. Cry, cry, cry some more that’s your defense mechanism it will help you, and when you can’t cry anymore you’re one step closer to moving on.

Bitches Brew

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